My Decisions
by T. R1
Summary: I never thought I would have to protect myself from him, not Logan. He's the one person I thought I could trust. What a fool I was.


Hey folks I'm a little sick and not at my best. Instead of adding on to Secrets and Longings this popped into my head. But I though what the hell. It's a stand alone fic. Very angsty. What can I say, I got into a major to do with my boyfriend and it's affecting everything including my writing. And so I placed myself if Rogue's mind and let her rip, (is the term). Doesn't really involve Secrets and Longings but it could.  
  
Okay I tried to write this story in a way that lets you, the readers, decide for yourselves where it belongs in the story of Rogue and Wolverine. Some of those who have read my other story will probably fit it into the timeline before X-2 when Logan is away searching for his past. It fits there perfectly and that's kinda where I found myself thinking it fits in best. However I didn't want to make it a part of that story for the simple reason that I wanted this fic to stand alone and allow the readers to bend and shape the story in their own minds! But I just got my first review for the story and it seems that I have to spell it out for some of you guys. Well fine then I will spell it out, IT DOES NOT TAKE PLACE INCONJUNCTION WITH THE MOVIE! But that is all I'm gonna say, think for yourself and form your own opinion as to what Rogue is angry about and when it takes place! This has been my intention with this story all along, so that the next person who complains about the story being so open ended can expect to get a nasty little bite from me. And I haven't had all my shots yet people (evil grin).  
  
Summary- Rogue's highly irate entry in her journal. But why is she so mad?  
  
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Just who the hell does he think he is? God? He has no right to make those sorts of decisions for me; he has no right to make any decisions for me! I don't give a damn what his f*cking excuse is or his reasons! He can't even think of a good enough excuse for doing what he did, and then telling me he did it for my own good. Off all the bullshit I've heard that just takes the cake! He's lucky I only slapped him; I wanted to break his nose.  
  
Small satisfaction that would have been seeing as how he heals so quickly. And with the damn Adamantium skeleton of his I'd probably busted my hand. It still smarts from my slapping him twice. Which he deserved the arrogant, coldhearted, S. O. B!  
  
I don't know what hurts me more his lies or his highhandedness. But I know they both make me spitting mad. I don't even know if I can trust him anymore, he's lied about everything. That's what hurts the most. I've only asked one thing of him, ever, that he would always be honest and forthright with me and he swore he would. Now I found out that's a lie as well. That's the biggest lie of them all. Running a close second though is his telling me that he cares so much about me. Yeah if he cares so much he sure has a funny way of showing it. I hate to see what he would do if he hated me, because his sort of caring has already done wrecked havoc.  
  
He doesn't even see what he did, or understand why I am so hurt. It's like he can't see the trees from the forest. Or the forest from the trees or whatever that damn saying is. Basically the a**hole just can't see, anything, not even what is standing right in front of him. Pendejo! (I knew my high school Spanish would come in handy sometime.)  
  
I laughed when I slapped him and his reaction to it. It wasn't really a laugh just a short, cynical snicker, wrenched from my lips instead of the cry that almost burst forth. He told me not hit him anymore as he didn't feel like being hit. It was almost a request. I growled back at him that I really didn't feel like being knocked around either but that was what he was doing without even laying a hand on me. He words were just as effective as any physical blows. In fact they hurt more than any punch or kick, because they cut right down to the bone. Past even, all the way to my heart.  
  
I never thought I would have to protect myself from him, not Logan. I never wanted to hide myself from him, because he was the one person I thought I was safe with. I thought he was the one person who really saw me for who I am. I thought he was the one person who really cared about me. What a fool I was.  
  
I know that I may have even played a bigger fool in this. Because you see, I fought against what he said. I wouldn't accept what he was saying or what he did under the guise of trying to protect me. I fought him so hard that he took it all back, everything, what he said and everything he had done. Unmade those decisions of his because of the power of my words and actions. But I'm not so sure that was the right thing to do.  
  
Everything is as it was before. If I didn't have the memory of what he did burned so deeply into my brain I would have trouble remember something even happened the other night! But you just can't take something like that back and pretend it never happened. Life doesn't work that way. It's like having someone die and going on with life pretending they're still alive.  
  
But what does that help? And what does it all mean?  
  
Fin.  
  
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Please review whether you like or not. 


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